//emily//impractical//blog//

So I figure I’ll update this again.

Life is okay. Working and schooling. I have time for other things, but I usually spend them with James and Hobbes or playing games. I’m not a social creature and so it’s rare I want to get on AIM or call anyone. I just wanna play my Sims ^_^

I started a Legacy family. The founder is beautiful. The most beautiful sim I ever made. This is what she looks like:

Really pretty, huh? She usually wears a lot less makeup and has messy hair, but it was her wedding day so I dressed her up. ^_^

So yeah. Lots of working, lots of schooling, lots of Simming, lots of James and Hobbes-ing. Work is the usual work, blah blah blah. School is going good. It’s hard to get the hang of online classes but I’m getting it. I’ve turned in all my assignments perfectly so far. ^_^ Math, which is not online, is going really well too. I’m actually doing better than I usually do. I’m keeping myself focused for pretty much the whole class, which is a first, and I’m doing well with the math itself. It’s more like a review since I took this class a year and a half ago (and failed it), but I know it’ll get harder. I’m going to pass it this time though, for sure. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t want to. I’m not there to make friends, I’m there to get my education. The last year I was in college I spent too much time meeting guys. Bleh.

James got a wide screen monitor for his computer. It’s so fucking phat, dude. He wasn’t going to get it for a few more weeks but then he found this guy selling it for $200 less than it is in stores so he just went ahead and got it. James really impressed me with all the computer stuff actually. He did a lot of fixing and adjusting lately. Fixed his totally fried computer in fact. I was impressed. ^_^

Anyway, I have more to say but I’m starting to wish I hadn’t began writing this. I’ll post again soon.

- Emily.

James works 30 minutes away and he drove all the way home on his lunch break just so he could see me for a second and bring me a bag of chips. I am loved!

Okay, so I’m going to try this new thing called honest blogging. What I am about to say may hit you hard, or maybe you just don’t give a damn. I do give a damn though, and I have been wanting to say this for a long time.

I have this image on youtube that I am some sweet, loving, great person. I’m not saying that’s a lie, because it isn’t. I know that I am a sweet, loving, great person. But that is not all that I am. I can also be really rude. Bitchy even. Offensive, crude, you name it. James and I absolutely LOVE tasteless jokes that would make some people cringe. I hit people a lot, and I don’t know why. I use “gay” as a synonym for stupid. I’ll even admit that yes, I do say the N word. Granted I NEVER use it offensively, pretty much only say it when I am mocking those who defend the right to say it more often than they say the word “the” (such as rappers and the thugged out youth that surrounds my area), and I always avoid saying it around anyone who I think may be offended by it… I still say it occasionally. Does James mind? No, he says it himself in the same manner that I do. I have cheated on boyfriends… more than once. I have been a “hater” on the internet. I have slammed a girl’s head into a cement wall (I had a reason though. She wouldn’t stop kissing my boyfriend on the cheek no matter how nicely I asked her to stop). I have made a girl cry so hard that I ended up suspended for two weeks (which my mom so sweetly got me out of but punished me plenty well herself). I have insulted people I don’t know on the streets. To their face. I have broke up with a boy because I didn’t like the back of his head. I have done things so shitty that I don’t speak about them to anyone except my closest friends.

A lot of the things I just named are a part of my past. I no longer do things like that, such as cheating and insulting people for no reason, and I don’t agree with them in any way. My point is that I am not perfect. This perfect good girl image has been bothering me. I find myself continually censoring myself in my videos. “Oh wait, I can’t put that in there. It might offend somebody.” When did this happen to me? I used to LOVE offending people! I used to love stating my opinion no matter what anybody thought of it. I didn’t used to care about pleasing everyone. Why do I now?

One year ago I made a video going into detail about how I cheated on my then-boyfriend, told him about it, his reaction… I was even light hearted about it in the video (not to say I didn’t feel incredible remorse… I did. It was a terrible thing and to this day I want to tell the guy how sorry I am. He was the only good guy besides James I ever dated, and he did not deserve what I gave him). I would absolutely never post a video like that these days. I would be far too afraid of pissing one of my subscribers off and losing them, or pissing some random viewer off who could be a potential subscriber. OR, in fact, pissing off family members who watch my videos. That never used to bother me. I wanted people to accept me for who I am, and if they couldn’t then I really couldn’t give a fuck.

So what the hell happened. Why is it that every time I proofread my videos after uploading them, I have to turn them off halfway through because they make me so goddamn sick? I get so disgusted with myself because I know that I am not being all of who I am.  All that super goody goody sweet wholesome sugar coated BABBLING bores the fuck out of me, to be quite honest. I want to be done with it. I want the people on youtube to see my unpleasant side too. I know I am a good person. I shouldn’t be so afraid to show more sides of myself. I need to stop trying so hard to please every single person who watches my stupid videos, and I need to please myself. That is why my videos aren’t the same anymore. That is why all they consist of these days is boring, mind numbing, pointless shit. I’m done with it. I don’t give a damn if anybody thinks I am a slut, a bitch, a horrible person, a snob, a dumbass… Because in truth I am a little bit of all that. And if I weren’t I’d probably kill myself. I like who I am and it’s about time I start showing it.

That’s it, I can’t stand it anymore! I vow that as soon as I get money I am going to fly Adam to the US and he is going to stay with James and I and we will have loads of fun! He is just sooo much fun.

And oh no, my computer has an infection. It keeps messing up my typing and ugh, it just ruined my whole night. I had planned on playing Sims 2 until I had to go to bed, but now I can’t and I have to go to bed soon (I work at 5:30am tomorrow). So yeah, computer running like tihs. I’m running Spybot, Adaware, and Micro Housecall. Here’s to hoping they do their job.

What is with all the youtubers meeting up these days? I feel left out. I want a youtuber to meet, but I don’t know of any fellow vloggers in my area and I can’t afford to travel at this time. Oh well, continue on with the leaving me out bit.

Wonderful, my computer just froze so I had to shut it off and start everything over. Blegh! I’ll never get to play with my newly created King and Queen on Sims!

My computer is in such shitty condition I can’t even finish this blog. I’m getting irritable. Oh well.

Oh my god. It’s a bat. It’s a plane. It’s a fuzzy dandelion weed thing. No, no. It’s just Emily.

Well. I don’t really know what to say here. Um. I guess I stopped writing in this thing because nobody read it. Well, I guess some people did. I don’t know, should I keep writing in it?

August 5th was me and James’s one year anniversary. We went out to the art museum and one of our favorite restaurants. It was a lot of fun, and here are some pictures. Don’t forget to click on them to see them in good quality.

True love at it’s finest.

Goodnight.