//emily//impractical//blog//

… is evidently lonely. We all need a tale to tell.

Well, here I am. Enkanowen pointed out that I fail at updating this thing just as much as I fail at updating my youtube! Working on it though. I’m hoping to make a video tomorrow because I have off. I’m not sure though, because I have to clean my bedroom and then my dad is coming to help me file my taxes around 5:30. My mom has been wanting to have James and I over for dinner but she’s taking care of my niece and nephew. My nephew goes in for surgery tomorrow. I am very sad for the little guy. Because of him and my niece I have begun to absolutely adore children. Nothing puts a smile on my face like kittens, James, and happy kids. I’m excited to have my own one day. I want a little girl named Elanor.

Work is going good. I like Starbucks now that I’m getting more comfortable with the people I work with. Now everyone there knows that I am very odd and geeky. I keep people laughing, even if it is because I whistle Star Wars tunes and have seen LotR over 50 times. Actually I make a lot of people laugh without even being aware of how I’m doing it. I guess it’s the things I do. One guy I work with says I look and act like an anime character. Today another one of the guys I work with allowed me to put caramel drizzle all over his tongue. It was very exciting. For me, anyway.

I guess I’m going to talk about James now. I know I talk about him a lot, but he’s the biggest part of my life. Anyway, there’s an aspect of James’s relationship that I never really talk about because I know it sounds unbelievable. I know if somebody had said it to me a year ago I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face. BUT… I get a lot of comments on my youtube saying that James and I are “obviously soulmates” and all that jazz, so I’m just going to put this out there. I’m tired of hiding so many things about myself for fear of the wrong people knowing.

In the past I was never that great of a girlfriend. I could be, when I wanted to be. But not really. I’ve cheated physically (two seperate times on two seperate guys). I’ve cheated mentally (if you consider that cheating) who knowwwws how many times. I’ve been downright awful to guys before. It wasn’t even because I wanted to be, I just was. I was never the monogamous type. Even when I had a boyfriend I was always wanting to be with someone else. I’m surprised Bobby dated me for three years, because if I were him I would’ve kicked me to the curb after 10 months. Well anyway… because of this, when I found out James wanted to date me I was very hesitant. I put him off for a month after our first kiss because I “knew” I would break his heart. He is such a nice, gentle, loving guy – just like Bobby, the guy I was with for three years. I didn’t want to tear him to pieces like I feel I did with Bobby. I had tried dating after Bobby (Chip, Joel) but it just didn’t work. I couldn’t do the whole dating thing. I was never sure about anything or anyone.

Eventually, obviously, I just went for it. I was listening to a song. “1000 times a day” by the Early November. Sweet story. I realized I could have that kind of story with James. So I went for it. There was something special about James. I had some kind of connection with him that I hadn’t had with anyone else. We talked for hours and hours and hours (I do mean HOURS) every night on the phone. He could make me genuinely crack up allll the time, which honestly is not something a lot of people can do. He got me, and I got him. SO… I went for it.

Now here is the part where I introduce my friend Merri, who I have been friends with for a few years now. This may sound completely idiotic, especially if you’re a logical kind of person, but Merri is psychic. And by psychic I don’t necessarily mean “you’re going to have an unhappy marriage and ugly kids, but you’ll be rich.” She can see things that most cannot. Like spirits. Auras. Things like that. Well one day she started to tell me something but changed her mind. Me being me forced her to spit it out. She told me that in one of the photos of James and I together, she could see our auras and they were linked. She said we had white lines coming out of our hearts and into eachothers. I asked what they meant, and she said “well, you’re soulmates.” At this point in time I didn’t believe in soulmates, but at the same time I believed in my friend and I believed that James was something special that I’d never felt before.

For a few days I mulled over this and came to the conclusion that I believed Merri. I threw away all my cynical views on love and soulmates and dived head on into it all. A few days later I told James what Merri had said, having no idea what he would say back. To my surprise, he told me he believed it. He told me he had felt a connection with me since he first saw me on myspace before he even met me. That night we sat on a picnic table and talked. We talked about everything, but mostly our pasts. I told him a million secrets and personal things that nobody else had ever known. After a while it got quiet and we sat in silence. Then all of a sudden there was this surge of feeling between us. The best way I can describe it is to tell you that it was surety. For the first time in my entire life, and I do mean that, I was entirely sure of something. I was sure that James is my soulmate, I was sure that James is the man I would marry, I is sure that James was my true love. I was just sure. I could believe it. For the first time, I could believe it all. Apparently James got the same feeling at the same moment, and he looked at me and said “we’re going to get married.” I told him I loved him, and he told me he loved me. And we just knew.

That was on August 17th, 2006. Seven months later we still feel the exact same thing and it hasn’t faltered once. I still know he was made for me.

And that is why nothing racists say will ever affect me. That is why no matter whether my parents have truly accepted us or not, it will never affect my relationship. That is why our children will be beautiful and happy. That is why we will always be happy. And you can whine and whine and bitch and bitch about how we’re destroying the human race, but it won’t change the thing. We will still be together. Because frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Peace & Love,

Emily

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May I remind everyone that this is a fan orientated blog. If you are curious as to why I am in the relationship I am in or what I have in common with James, I will be glad to talk to you as long as you are polite and sensible about it. And don’t get mad if I don’t respond right away. I do have things to do, you know. I also apologize to everyone for the fact that my comments are now moderated. Didn’t want to do it, but it seems that some people just don’t know any decency.